Born and raised in Northern Germany, Benjamin Voogd (21) has had radical encounters with the love of the Father during his life. Although there were seasons when he felt stuck in bondage and chained by addiction, the love of the Father transformed his life. Not just once, but in increasing measure.
Benjamin’s history
Growing up in a healthy Christian home, his relationship with his parents was never the issue for Benjamin. From a young age he knew that there was something more than just living out a ‘normal’ life here on earth because his parents exemplified what it looks like to truly live out the faith.
However, in his youth, Benjamin struggled as he fell into addiction and his view of God was consequently based on feelings. He felt ashamed because of addiction, and stress. “My parents told me God loves me and they lived it out, but it was hard for my heart to believe it.” He felt disappointed with himself because he knew better than to fall for addiction and the lies the enemy attacked him with. He describes that his picture of God’s love for him was more hearsay than personal, and it lacked roots in the Word. “It was a kind of roller coaster full of emotions, and so many lies in my head and shame constantly, that it was hard to believe that God really loves me the way I am.”
Marked with identity: “He really delights in me”
But one day, the Father revealed Himself to Benjamin in a profound way that he now describes as one of the biggest turning points in his life. This encounter established his identity. “One time in my secret place, the Father just showed me that He smiles over me. Every chain, all the lies and shame just fell off. He showed me that He doesn’t just love me, but that He really delights in me.”
As time progressed and seasons changed, Benjamin still felt this strong foundation of the Father’s love, but seasonally experienced strong attacks on it as well. Over the last year, confusion and questions slipped in and his mind was filled with continual warfare. The enemy attacked him a lot with one nagging question: “Are you really loved just the way you are?”
‘’I have nothing to lose’’
Two weeks ago at the end of a church service, this story took an unexpected turn. As the preacher opened up an altar to people who struggled with religious mindsets about God, Benjamin went up. Although he only felt a small prompting in his heart, he was hungry for God and he realised: “I have nothing to lose”. Little did Benjamin know that he was about to encounter the love of the Father in a new way.
“As soon as I went to the front, the Holy Spirit spoke so clearly to me. He led me back to all the places in the past year where I was really struggling and He said: ‘’Benjamin, I heard you, I was with you and I see you’’.” The Lord showed Benjamin that he was fighting the lies with a sword on his own, but that this was not the way that he was supposed to fight. “He took my sword and said: “Go behind me, I’m fighting for you. You can just come and have communion with me’’. It was like a Father fighting for his son.”
The second encounter: true transformation
Just moments later, Benjamin received a clear vision of Psalm 23:5. This Scripture says, ‘’You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies”, and he saw a picture of himself dining with the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. As he feasted on bread and the presence of the trinity, he strongly sensed how ‘’the Father had complete enjoyment over me purely because I’m a son.”
Benjamin beams as he recounts: “He said that He just delighted in me. He delights in me purely as a son and that really was the point where I started sobbing. I was already crying but I suddenly felt so much love and joy, and so much weight came off of me. I felt so fathered by God.”
Benjamin describes that his mind was also filled with an incredible peace, tranquility and warmth. He expressed that this was a new experience for him: “I never felt that, it was just amazing!” He now testifies that it was not just a one-time encounter but that he still feels so much lighter, and that he has truly been delivered from performance and striving to a greater extent. “I still see this look of delight over me. I still see this look of delight over me. I just go back and it was really not just an encounter, I was really set free.” He believes that Matthew 3:17 is a scripture that we can all receive for ourselves: “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.”
‘’I’m ready for another!’’
With a smile on his face, Benjamin shares how he’s currently intentionally stewarding his encounter. The roots from his first encounter were there all along, but this experience deepened it. He is helping himself to not forget about this experience with the Father by daily taking time to look at the Father’s face and His smile over his life. Benjamin’s eyes light up as he shares about his encounter, and his simultaneous longing to take an even deeper dive into the Father’s love. “Be hungry for more! I’m ready for another encounter. The Father’s love is so available for me.”
